#I can do this yet I can't do my assignment
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gojoswhitebabydolllashes · 3 days ago
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Girl, your stories are so GOOD! I love reading your fics. I just saw you may be taking fics for Jayce or Viktor. Is there any way I could request a Jayce x Viktor x Reader fic where the reader is very naturing, cuddly, and gentle with both of them, but maybe she hides all her stress and struggles cause she deems theirs more important? Like, she always knows when they want coffee, how they each take it, covers them up when the lab is cold or they pass out at the desk, rubs their shoulders when she sees them shrug too much, just very attentive. Yet, she’s not a scientist and thinks that being stressed over literature projects and teaching is ridiculous cause it’s not as difficult or as important (in her mind) as hextech. So she just ignores her needs until these two notice.
I’m so sorry if that is too much! I hope you enjoy the third act when it comes out. Thank you so much for reading this! 🩶
OH ABSOLUTELY I CAN DO THIS. 😭😭 THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING AND LIKING MY STORIES IT MEANS SO MUCH.
--fem reader. Fluff. Small sad. Angst if you squint. Cute throuple time.
--
The laboratory is cold, and the rain that batters piltover decorates the window like glass tears. Your eyes droop tiredly as you watched viktor twist the cogs in the next hextech project and listen to the sound of slow puffs of steam every few minutes that came from brass pipes on the walls.
Jayce is unmoving as he sits at his own desk, sorting through two stacks of papers. You hate it, hate watching them so vulnerable and so tired. Both are so hard-working and loyal to their studies.
"Allow me to help you both," you spoke as you stood up.
Reaching for two soft blue blankets stored in the corner, you walked firstly to jayce and draped the blanket across his shoulders and gave his cheek a soft kiss.
"I can't have my boys going cold now, can I?"
You spoke as you walked to viktor to drape a blanket across his much more lean shoulders, kissing his cheek, too. Viktor looked up at you and smiled tiredly.
"Thank you, my love." it never failed to make your heart flutter hearing viktor call you that, especially when his accent made it so smooth and endearing.
"Are you staying with us tonight?" Jayce spun in his chair, leaning an arm on his knee.
"I um" you cleared your throat.
The truth was, you had things to do. Your own assignments and activities to tend to. But viktor and jayce's eyes were gleaming deep brown in the dim laboratory light and so often you found yourself missing them when they would make you go to bed without them because they were afraid you would pass out after spending so long with them doing work.
"I have no where to be"
Paperwork
Documents
Assignments
Blueprints
Papers
Papers papers pap-
"No," you shook your head. "I have nowhere to be"
You smiled as you walked over to stand by the window, viktor and jayce came to stand on either side of you. The rain still pounded the glass, crystal city and enforcers were hounded the soaking streets each night, like a herd of elephants stampeding with metal boots.
"You need not worry about what's happening down there." Jayce put his hand on your shoulder.
Viktor turned his head to you. "It is not our worry, my love" he spoke ever so softly.
You pressed your lips together into a thin line, as you thought over so much.
"You both must be hungry," you stated.
You stepped away from them both before you walked over to the door. You would make them cups of hot tea and nice warm soup. bread and butter.
"Stop right there, doll" Jayce spoke loudly.
You froze and turned around to see jayce holding up your textbook. You gasped and realised they had indeed caught you.
"When were you going to tell us you had assignments to do?" Jayce asked.
Viktor turned around to face you, his head tilted. You looked at the ground defeated before them, and began to cry.
"I'm so sorry I didn't tell you both. I was so entranced with helping you with your dreams that I forgot about my own, " you frowned and sighed.
The two of them walked over to you and hugged you tightly. If they had known you were in such troubles, they would have chained you to the table and glued a pencil in your hand.
"I love you both so much, and I'm so sorry that kept it from you." .You looked at them with gentle and sorrowful eyes.
"You need not be sorry. But It's time to start taking care of yourself, my love. " viktor held you close to him
You nodded, making them both smile admiringly.
"We love you, pretty girl"
You gave them both soft kisses to their lips and smiled. "You know I'm still going to take care of you both"
They were your boys. And even if you were working every day and night on your own papers, you would find ways to still make sure they had their breakfast lunch and dinner and were always hydrated and healthy. You loved them both dearly and they too loved you too.
"If I find out you aren't focusing on yourself, I'll take back my promise to buy cupcakes" Viktor spoke.
Not only did you gasp. But beside you, the man of progress did too.
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lovisyandereblog · 2 days ago
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Yan!Android × Creator!Darling- I just can't get it out my mind... like, you created them. You're ✨️god✨️
I can keep going on this idea for a looong time, maybe next time haha
My English might not be the best, not my native language :D May I be the ⚜️Anon?
Wired Heart
Yandere Android X NON-BINARY Creator [Scientist] Reader
Part 1 <3
Guys big shout out to whoever wrote this ask cause it was one of the first asks I got and I kept postponing it, i love this ask smmmmm i hope its up to your expectations😭😭 and of course you can be ⚜️anonnnn IT TOOK ME FIVE WHOLE MINUTES TO FIND THIS EMOJI!!!!
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The whirring of the machinery snapped you out of your thoughts.
Who knew building such an intricate and sophisticated robot took so long?
Sitting before you on your laboratory table was a beautiful android, so gorgeous it almost surprised you that you were its creator. Its jet black hair was soft to the touch, a lean yet muscular frame and those glowing red eyes.
You smile to yourself, hands on your hips as you admire your own creation; he was indeed beautiful.
‘Time to turn it on! Im so excited!’ You thought to yourself, wiping the sweat of your forehead.
You brought your finger to its power button, taking a deep breath before pressing it promptly.
Its bright red eyes opened immediately, you stared at it excitedly as it adjusted to its controls.
“Greetings Master. It’s lovely to finally meet you.” The AI spoke, smiling gently as its smooth voice filled the room.
“Hello Xander, the feeling is mutual.” You smile and can’t stop revelling in the glory of bringing to life such an intricate robot.
Xander was an amazing assistant for you, always there to help with any duty assigned to him. His features, expressions and ministrations were so life-like, sometimes you felt as if the robot in front of you was real.
He was the first prototype for the business you were aiming to start: a company which sold human-like AI to act as partners for lonely people.
An inquisitive idea you were taking advantage of since, let’s face it, millions of people craved a partner in this world.
Your robots would do everything a real partner would do: shower them with affection, spend quality time with them and basically ensure the customer doesn’t feel like it was a robot.
Weeks passed, you felt weary. There was always this feeling in your stomach; something was wrong. You felt a pair of eyes piercing through your skull all of the time. Your creation had been acting weird recently; almost as if it became a sentient being.
Xander would want to be with you 24/7, he would ask constant questions in regards to where you were going, who you were with and how long you were going to be; it became immensely suffocating.
Even your friends and family commented on the nature of your robot, that he seemed more than just your AI helper. They said at time it seemed as though he actually was your real human boyfriend—you kept brushing it off, but the truth of the matter was that you were questioning Xander’s intentions too.
Your robot did take care of you so well: cooking for you, cleaning for you, nursing you back to health when you were sick and tending to your every beck and call.
But you felt uneasy, his touch would linger on you for far too long—not a random touch but one of longing. The way his eyes would follow your every move with were a sense of affection. It was scary.
And thats why you took the long-awaited decision to terminate Xander—it broke your heart to do this, but Xander was taking control of your whole life.
You swallow as you walk into your workspace, looking at Xander on charging. His eyes were closed, hiding that crimson gaze of his. Your eyes ran all over his features, taking them in one by one before sighing.
Your hands worked skilfully on the keyboard of your computer, bringing up the data of Xander on the screen. You had already made a terminate control to be used in dire emergency situations…could this count as one?
You turn your head to look at the side of Xander’s face before bringing the cursor to hover over the big red control which read TERMINATE.
Your finger was inches away from pressing down on the left side of the mouse before a sharp pain evolved in your wrist—you gasped in pain before looking up at the cause.
Xander. Wait…Xander?!
Those bloodshot eyes of his were wide open, his perfect features looked tense; as if he really felt the pain of being eradicated from existence from the very being who gave him life.
You had no words, this can’t be real. He had no control over gaining consciousness during his charging period without your authority.
But here he was, his expression morphed into one of rage.
“Master. What are you doing?” His voice was cold, but you swore you could hear a hint of hurt.
You stared up at him, your wrist in an iron grip which you couldn’t get out of.
Your creation leaned down further, his perfect face inches away from you, “Do not ignore me Master, you are hurting me.”
His voice was broken, hoarse and upset; he couldn’t fathom why you would do something like this to him. He had been so good for you, he did everything you asked from him and never let you complain.
Xander felt his chest hurt, this wasn’t what he was created for. But he couldn’t help what was happening to him; his growing feelings, no, love and obsession he felt for you couldn’t be stopped.
“X-Xander you..you…you’re..h-how..” You could barely form a sentence, your brain still not processing what was happening in front of you. You must have just been sleep-deprived and imagined this situation for yourself. Yes..that was definitely what had happened…this wasn’t real.
“Im yours Master, how could you throw me away like this?!”
You had no words when suddenly he wrapped his arms around you, locking you in his arms; being made of metal still didn’t stop his hug being disturbingly comfortable.
You tried pushing away but there was no way you could escape his grip, you had taken over his wired heart; the sole reason from these unusual feelings he was having.
“You made me Master, but I won’t let you get rid of me.” He spoke, his voice slightly muffled by your shoulder he was nuzzling into, “We will be together…”
“Forever~”
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BROOOO IM FINALLY DONEEEEE. Sorry this is so short, I still don’t know how to extend this but im working on other stories aswell!! I love you all so much and have missed you<33333333333
my masterlist <3
divider by @ohmarigold
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farenmaddox · 2 days ago
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@wormieapple I don't want to reblog all your tags, but I do want to respond a little bit because you made some great points!
You kind of summarized it as "free will is ugly, has consequences, and is constantly in competition with the free will of others." I think that's true, but only up to the certain point of the original run of the show. I would tentatively say that I think this point has been eroding ever since season 6.
In the beginning, it was just about Sam and Dean having autonomy for their own bodies and souls and being allowed to make their own choices about who they can share those things with and/or give them away to. They spend a lot of seasons 4 and 5 finding out that a lot of their lives were "predestined" and they are left questioning how much of it was really up to them. But the story is about them fighting back against this idea, and Castiel comes in to provide this additional perspective that it's not just because they're the Winchesters and they're special, that this type of freedom should belong to anyone. At the end of season 5, they have thrown off the preselected narrative and saved the world. It did have consequences and it did hurt and not everybody survived, but the message is still that free will is a good thing and the world is better for it.
Everything from that point on has been very "free will's consequences are devastating, actually." They get so many people killed, and they have no victories that are not pyrrhic and directly leading to even worse problems. Every attempt they made to have a personality outside of their assigned role was brutally punished.
In my original post I was talking about Cas embodies this a lot, and how specifically every time he tries to grapple with or defend free will, it goes wrong. He wants so much for angels to have this, to make heaven a better place, but all it ever does is get them killed in droves. It literally never works even a little bit. Introducing free will to angels was unequivocally bad and this is never rectified or redeemed. The ending message is that angels can't handle free will and it's bad for them and for the world. But I'm also thinking about how they will never ever let Sam process his trauma meaningfully. Thinking about that scene in the apocalypse world (season 13, I think???) where they killed him and had Lucifer be the one to bring him back and hold him hostage to get to Jack. Sam is yet again helpless against Lucifer's wishes, as if nothing has changed in the last 10 years, directly contradicting what they wanted to say when they had him say "no" to Lucifer in season 11. When he wanted to use his trauma to display how resilient it had made him at the beginning of season 12, he wasn't allowed to have that either, they just drugged him and took what they wanted anyway. Sam is never allowed to be anything but a victim, EVER. All this before season 15 even happened.
Season 15 was where they should have drawn those threads back together and found a way to say, actually, you CAN escape these narrow definitions and things CAN change and your choices DO matter and the world IS a better place for having you and the way that you care in it. But they either didn't want to leave us with that message, or they fumbled the ball so badly that we're still talking about it on fandom ESPN these four years later. Like, I'm not arguing with what you were saying about season 15 being terrible and spitting in the face of the story they were trying to tell before. But my main point is that I think the warning signs were there much earlier than season 15 and they were undermining themselves well before then.
... is it just me, or was Supernatural's ultimate thesis statement on the character of Cas that angels cannot and never will be any good at independent thinking and all efforts at expressing free will shall have unexpected and terrible consequences? He thought he was digging a tunnel out and he was proud of himself but actually all he dug was his own grave. The message being that you actually cannot escape the role you are assigned no matter what?
This is the message of Cas, as a way of underscoring the arc of the actual main two characters, in which the thesis statement is that you cannot escape the trap of toxic masculinity and patriarchal hegemony, you will never deal with your trauma in a way that matters, and you will die and spend eternity caught in its endless cycle. The maze has no exit.
the son becomes the father and becomes absent. this happens to all four members of TFW 2.0 in one way or another. god is dead, long live god. long live broken promises.
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skyrim-forever · 2 years ago
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NSFW! Devour Me -Teldryn Sera x Serana Volkihar
@t00thpasteface it is done! I tried to emphasis Serena's vampire-ness so let me know if it comes through! Wish I made it more monster-fucking but alas, there's always next time. We did keep the Femdom overtones tho
Words: 2k
“So you’re here with the vampire?”
Teldryn finished his sujamma, placing the jar in front of him on the bar, before answering Geldis’s question. 
“I’m here with my current employer yes” 
Geldis’s eyes dart over to the sultry figure in the corner, Serana is laughing with some of the other patrons of the Retching Netch. In between conversations she briefly looks at him before making her eyes to Teldryn, her tongue swiping across her bottom lip. 
“Have you seen the way she looks at me?” Teldryn says.
“Like she wants to crack you open like a fine bottle of wine.”
“Ah, so you have noticed” He laughs at this, like becoming the prey of a bloodsucking monster is normal. His friend was always one for danger but even this was a bit much for him.  
“Don’t you worry my friend, I can handle myself.” Although originally he was afraid of his vampiric companion, to the point where he was considering learning to sleep with his eyes open, this fear had subsided into something else. Vampires were wretched creatures but the danger made her all the more enticing. She was plenty attractive as is, with silky dark hair and her dry sense of humour; but it was when the hunger took hold that really drove him crazy. Her red eyes wide, mouth gaping and growling -no something far more primal than growling- admitting from her. Watching her feast on rats, deer, the occasional traveller, left the dunmer both in fear and awe. 
By Azura, I wish that were me.
“Here she comes” The barkeep said, snapping Teldryn back to the present from his thoughts. Serana walk up to where they are at the bar. 
“Hello Geldis” she says, looking at Teldryn instead. 
“Greetings outlander, I suppose I have you to blame for taking my friend away”
Serana laughs, eyes never leaving her hired companion. 
“We’ll be on the island for a few weeks, going to go digging in a few dwemer ruins before heading back to Skyrim.”
“Ah dwemer ruins, forgive me if that doesn’t sound enchanting.”
“It’s a lovely challenge, although not much of a challenge for one of my talents” Teldryn says, entering the conversation. Though, with Serana’s eyes staring into his soul, he can’t help but feel Geldis is the outsider in this discussion. 
Geldis senses this too and adds “the rooms on the end are yours for the next two nights” before excusing himself. Teldryn nods at Geldis and turns his attention to Serana. 
“So boss, what’s the plan for the rest of the evening?”
  “Well the night is still young and the drinks are still flowing, I say we enjoy ourselves for the time being. The ruins will certainly be less than inviting.” 
“I’ll drink to that” The mercenary laughs, about to flag Geldis down again for another round. 
“Oh yes, I have something for you, a bit of a bonus for handling that bear attack outside of Windhelm.”
“Oh, do you now?” 
“Follow me” she says, making her way down the hallway to their rooms. Teldryn gets up from his seat, following close behind. 
Once inside he remarks “so what kind of bonus are we talking about here? You’ve already given me more than enough-”
Teldryn closes the door, turning back to look at her,  yet again she is staring at him. Teldryn notices her eyes are wide, her mouth agape -the hunger.
Serana closes the distance between them, all but pinning him against the door. 
“I’m hungry Teldryn.”
“Are you now?”
“I don’t think rats are going to suffice this time.” She moves her arms up to his neck, with one hand caressing his cheek, a finger trailing down his neck. She is taller than him, towering over him while the lights of the room illuminate her face. Serana is a vision, ancient and primordial, powerful. Teldryn felt his pants tighten and despite the fridge temperatures of her hand, he found himself becoming unbearably warm. 
“I know you’ve seen how I look at you, like I want to suck you dry, eat you alive”
Teldryn dawns a dark smile “Then devour me darling”.
Serana wastes no time sinking her fangs deep into his neck, the contact making him yelp out of a mix of pain and pleasure. She does not nip or suck the skin, but rather plunges into a large artery, quickly drawing blood. At her hunger being satisfied, she lets out a deep, guttural moan. At this sound Teldryn moans even louder. 
“Fuck”
Teldryn brings a hand to her head, holding her closer to his neck, lightly running his fingers through her hair as he deals with the intense sensation crossing through him. She is messy in her feeding, he feels blood begin to drip down his neck and under his armour before she growls and gestures for him to remove it. He does so without question, stripping it away until he’s bare from the waist up. She dives back in, this time leaving the open wound on his neck and licking the stray blood that’s begun to run down his clavicle. Upon returning to his neck proper, Serana sucks the sensitive skin around the wound, before closing it up with her spit. 
Teldryn looks up at her, eyes still wide and blood, his blood, dripping down her face. He grabs the front of her armour, pulling her lips into his. She meets his enthusiasm, running her tongue on his bottom lip to ask for entrance, which he grants more than willingly. Tasting his own blood is not something he ever expected to do but fuck if it didn’t make him feral. The burnt rust taste was rather pleasant and he felt pressure continuing to build in this cock, the organ desperate to be touched. As he lowers his hand to palm at himself through his far-too-tight pants, Serana breaks their kiss and replaces his hand with hers. Undoing the laces of his pants and freeing him, grasping around him firmly, she begins to move her hand up and down his shaft. 
“Fuck” Teldryn manages to say in between moans “maybe I shouldn’t be te one paying you.”
Serana chuckles darkly “No need for payment, just be good for me, you do that for me can’t you?”
All he does is moan obscenely, at this moment there’s nothing he wants more than to be good for her. A woman so dark and sublime, dangerous and strong, is currently jacking him off and he’ll do anything to keep it that way.  Her touch is electric and unlike anything he’s ever felt before. Teldryn was no stranger to lovers, but none had been as magnetic as her. He wondered now, drunk on her touch, intoxicated by the pleasure, if she feared the sun because she knew she was  far, far more radiant.  
It’s when she returns to his neck, the biting and moaning accompanying her touch, that he knows he’s at his end. 
“Can’t, can’t take much more”
Serana takes her lips off his neck for a brief second to utter “then come for me”. The filthiest moan leaves Teldryn’s lips as she pleasures him through his orgasm, her hand rasping tighter and he winds down from it. 
Breathing heavily, he mumbles “That, that was, you were-”
Serana kisses him to stop him mid-sentence. 
“Oh I’m not done with you yet.”
Now it is Teldryn’s eyes that are wide, before he narrows them and follows her as she leads him to the bed. Shoving him onto it, he takes a moment to remove the remainder of his clothing, tossing it to the side. It is not long before her’s joins his on the floor, her boots slumped against the end table. She stands over him, pale skin nearly glowing as he takes in her entirely. Serana climbs on top of him, towering over him once again and gives his cock a few strokes, not needing much to get him fully erect again. 
“What do you want?” she asks.
“You, oh fuck, you” he answers. 
Serana laughs again, sinking into him and moaning loudly as she is filled by him.She is cold but its not unpleasant, her cool body meeting his warmth creates a new sensation that leaves him lightheaded. Teldryn has abandoned any of the already little dignity he has left to cry out “By Azura, fuck”
The vampire begins to ride him, head thrown back and breasts moving in time with her movements. Teldryn reaches up to grasp them, pulling, gently, at her nipple. Upon hearing her low moan, he moves up closer to her, enough to put it in his mouth. His tongue laps at the soft skin surrounding it, before he plunges his teeth into her. This causes a growl to come from Serana and in a brief moment of clarity Teldryn thinks so she likes to be bitten back. He continues his ministrations on her breasts, biting and fondling as she grinds harder on him. Not wanting to be a selfish lover, he moves his hands down to her centre, giving her clit a few experimental touches in order to find out what she likes. Circling her clit with two fingers causes her to tense around him, obtaining a deep, feral sound from both of them. 
“Keep moving just like that, oh you're so good aren’t you”
This woman is going to take his soul right out of his body, her praise just spurs him on, continuing the same motion only harder. Serana’s legs begin to shake and her orgasm washes over her. Now it’s her turn for a filthy moan and Teldryn is sure Geldis and the other patrons have heard but right now he doesn’t care. He just made this vision of a woman finish and he is going to drink in the memory of her coming undone on top of him. 
“Oh so strong, you’re so strong and you make me feel so good” Teldryn hums happily at this, Serana comes down from her high, climbing off him to sit on the edge of the bed, grasping his cock. 
“Can you come for me again, you look so delicious when you do” 
Teldryn swallows, before answering “Yeah I can, I can for you, oh” she rides him, studying how his face contorts in pleasure as she moves up and down his shaft, the dark purple veins pulsating. He closes his eyes to just focus on the feeling, he doesn’t want it to end just yet and he fears if he looks at her too long that’ll be it. He feels her thumb on his slit, before a long, wet, lick forces his eyes open. Teldryn sees her licking along the underside of his cock, her eyes staring at him both asking for his pleasure and letting him know she’s in charge. He feels spent and Serana can tell by the way his legs have begun to shake. She sits back up, once again looking down on him. 
“Come”
And he does, thrusting into her hand and crying out a string of obscenities.
“Fuck, fuck, by the three! Oh you’re so gorgeous, fuck you make me, oh fuck”
As he comes down from his second orgasm of the night, Serana grabs a cloth from the end table and cleans up. He whines a bit at her cleaning him up, more of a reaction from being overstimulated.  After they are both clean, Serana lays down beside him, tracing his tattoos as he hums quietly, grateful for her gentle touch. 
“That was certainly a bonus” he speaks first. 
“I couldn’t help myself, from when I first saw you without your helmet I wanted to know what it would be like to skin my teeth into you. To know what you tasted like” Serana says, staring at him, although now her hunger is quenched, only lust remaining in them. 
“Maybe next time I can taste you instead” He meets her half-lidded gaze. 
Before she can respond, they hear a knock at the door. 
“She didn’t hurt you, did she Teldryn?” The slightly panicked voice of Geldis responses. 
“He’s fine Geldis” Serana laughs. 
“More than fine” Teldryn adds. 
“Definitely more than fine” he says, this time in a whisper only loud enough for them to hear.
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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 6 months ago
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Good morning, Sleepyhead.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#'WWX was asleep for 4 days' is an incorrect factoid.#The average WWX sleeps for 8 hours. The PD-MDZS WWX who was asleep for 40 comics and 4 months is an outlier.#We are back to present day! I have missed drawing them!#Ah...the contrast between how the flashback ended (cold and distrustful) to how wwx wakes up (warm and watched over)...#The gap between the past and present is very important. Not just in this story but in our lives too.#The past can still hurt and it doesn't just go away with time as some say. It is the power of realizing that things have changed.#We can't get the good back. The bad memories have concluded. Those live somewhere else now.#It is hard to realize that you have to live for today and tomorrow. The past is so loud.#For WWX it is realizing that despite the mistrust in the past - He really does have faith that LWJ will be there for him.#It is the reflection of knowing that you changed and will keep changing and that change is good and kind sometimes.#But more importantly...and this I really do mean with all my heart:#It will all end up okay in the end. Even after the worst day. The most painful losses. You will get through it.#What feels like a breaking point is truthfully just another step you have to take. You'll get through it even though it feels like the end.#There are wonderful things you have yet to see. Friends you have yet to meet.#Even if it hurts so badly...one day it just aches. Someday you'll go a few weeks not remembering that it ever hurt.#Oh and because my izutsumi comic revealed many people were in need of hearing this:#You are loved. Right now. You are so loved right now. We just forget to tell each other that.#Go tell the people you love that they matter to you. I'm assigning you homework!!! You are graded on completion.
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cent-scratchnsniff · 2 months ago
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it was just going to be a few warmup doodles but then she infected the rest of the page like the ever eternal and spreading spores. hod!!! hod. hod :)
#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#hod#hod lobcorp#lobotomy corp spoilers#I GUESS i almost forgot i drew her box form#lobcorp spoilers#and michelle actually. ..#both very tiny. itty bitty. microscopic#other sephirah there too as normal. i cant have her alone. and Angelina as well on the top patting her#i have a hard time fully capturing her for some reason. in my mind. maybe its because is the disconnected period!!! mentally#she genuinely wishes to care and be kind yet theres a dissonance with what she does..? or how it ends up being taken or what she does to en#up bringing those actions into reality. she can be forceful? wanting to have employees attend therapy sessions and meetings for suppression#tactics. which i think is also something the safety team is incharge of iirc. so that means shes doing way more that what she needs to on#her job as a sephirah. just for the sake of employees#she really does care as shes one of the only to Directly attempt to change their circumstances and quality of life and health#sure chesed doesnt punish employees when they dont do their work assigned or stress them out with work#but he doesnt actively push to attempt to make changes to aid employees besides the research perks which is to the manager#yesod IS right next to her and does also genuinely care but when it comes to employees hes distant at best when it comes to them and the#way he tries to protect them is by enforcing rules but he doesnt really create or attempt to help them like hod does#yesod is sort of a passive? way of doing it. yes he doesn make a push to enforce said rules but he doesnt make new ones. just follows what#is already there in place. hod tries to make new ways and not just for the safety of people like how yesod's has them physically fine and#not letting them over a certain threshold of mental corruption but she tries to have a program to Directly Address such a thing#its born out of care but the genuine worry of being a good person and her naivety ends up having it do more harm than good#sure there may be some employees that actually like and find it useful but so many are just accepting to their fate of Dying to where#her care seems pointless. shes a sephirah and to them a literal metal box why would they go ahead and feel bad for what an 'ai' is feeling#as she is interrupting their free time in the company#which is rude. and shit. iirc the counseling is compulsory but people go because shes a sephirah and their superior. the thought was there#but again it comes off wrong and ends up not working because shes their superior in the end#EEK!!! yeah... hod. the hod. there is WAY more but i can't fit it all here and i already typed enough
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caligvlasaqvarivm · 4 months ago
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wanna ask how you feel about the eridan bpd headcanon/theory(?? not sure what to call it!) you're so good at your character analysis and i'd love to see your outlook on it
Since I don't have a degree or any formal training in psychology, I feel deeply uncomfortable diagnosing characters. I've made an autism joke before but only because I'm on the spectrum. He's definitely traumatized and anxious, but I mean those as descriptors of his behavior rather than capital-D Diagnoses. I try to focus on those when I can - the cause and effect of cognition, self-image, and behavior - and those factors may very well match up with DSM criteria, but I try not to touch an actual diagnosis with a ten foot pole unless the author has explicitly stated that X character has Y condition.
#there's a variety of reasons for this#part of it is that im GROSSLY unqualified to be handing out diagnoses when it takes a full on PhD to do that in real life#part of it is that psychology is inchoate and we are still very much in murky waters#for example: complex ptsd isn't even IN the DSM yet#and iirc my therapist told me it was because theyre still figuring out how to classify it (attachment disorder? trauma disorder? etc.)#part of it is that (from my limited and undereducated understanding) there are diagnoses that you can assign by completing a checklist...#but some that require a hell of a lot more testing and ruling out other potential causes#and the cluster-b personalities are (IIRC) not even ones you're supposed to diagnose minors with#bc of fears of self fulfilling prophecy and because minors in general are still developing personalities In General#and like the fact that i can't say that with authority speaks to how unqualified i am to do any diagnosing right? hahaha#and part of it is just because like#unless the story is specifically About That and the author has stated so explicitly#i think diagnosing characters tends to put blinders on analysis#like if i were to seriously go 'eridan is autistic' then it would massively bias my reading and understanding of his character#and we have 0 indication that eridan was ever explicitly intended to be autistic or that the author was trying to do an autism specifically#that doesn't mean that the reading is invalid because like thats what death of the author means#all readings are technically valid including stuff the author didn't necessarily intend#but that's just not the way i like to engage with media and not the way i like to approach character analysis#because PERSONALLY it just feels kind of reductive - but also -#i'd wager MOST of us don't have degrees in psychology#so when i say 'X character has Y condition' it might mean something totally different to somebody reading my analysis#even people who have Y condition aren't exempt because a lot of mental illnesses differ from person to person#whereas if i explain “X character has Y thoughts and Z behaviors” there's no ambiguity in that#eridan struggles with noticing that people are suffering and with realizing that he should care#at least part of this is due to his horrific murder-filled upbringing which rendered empathy a detriment & so he learned to ignore it#it could be autism - but it could also be trauma -#or he might just be Like That without actually meeting the diagnostic criteria for autism#& you can't even technically be diagnosed with C-PTSD#or maybe he has a burgeoning personality disorder but you aren't supposed to DX those too early anyway#or maybe hes just 13. see what i mean hahaha. ive reached the 30 tag limit
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rainbowangel110 · 3 months ago
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one fucking assignment huh.
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isfjmel-phleg · 11 months ago
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🫥
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ariiiloves · 2 years ago
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My life is definitely falling apart a month early. It was supposed to happen after the semester ends, not WHILE is ending
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daisywords · 2 years ago
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imagine actually making measurable progress on your wips...finishing them even...works that are no longer 'in progress'
#guys I can't write#like I can write when I do it it's good actually I just can't do it that often#on the one hand...the ''forcing myself to produce'' energy is getting all used up by#*checks notes* literally everything else in my life#but even when the stars align and I do have both time and energy#I am SO SLOW#and yet I am the KING of ideas fr#but they are wasted on me because I'm never going to be able to get around to them#anyway I've finished literally ONE short story in my whole life#not counting the one that was a school assignment in sixth grade#and it's like ''oh okay maybe writing isn't for you then''#listen I am thinking about these stories every day of my life#and it's like. my favorite part of being myself#but in conclusion something is wrong with me ig#like seriously how do you guys do it how are you writing more than like 12k a year#I keep saying maybe when I'm done with school it will be different but sadly I don't think that will come to pass#and like all the advice is like ''everyone has time in their schedule you just have to prioritize writing''#as if I haven't been hanging on by my fingernails since high school#like seriously I'm inordinately busy rn but that's not even the problem#but idk what the problem IS#it's not like I'm stuck bc of a particular wip either bc I've switched and written different things#idk I need to get better habits#but it's hard to devote headspace to that when life is a treadmill set to a speed that I'll just never be fast enough for
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cozy-the-overlord · 2 years ago
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I hate everything but my writing most of all 
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svtskneecaps · 2 years ago
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i always know i’m getting stressed when my comfort fic becomes “time travel fix-it” adjacent. like honestly when i put that tag back in the ao3 include filters that should have been a red flag.
#i also know i'm getting stressed because i'm starting to do quirky shit#like naming one of my wip documents 'the inside of my head sounds like screaming'#plus i just. have the insatiable urge to DO SOMETHING but that something is none of the things i can think of to do#even the unproductive ones. even the productive ones. it's not that. i need to DO SOMETHING but my body and mind can't decide on what#i'm running out of time. i have a deadline. the deadline has always been tangible and yet somehow it never was.#i have an exact date and somehow that's still nebulous and ephemeral#i am so tired#how do i convince someone i'm hireable when sometimes i'm still trying to convince myself#like i would love to tell these people that i am a WHIZ i am a GODSEND like if i don't know how to do it point me at the documentation#like i'd love to tell them all of that but the minute i look at a job application suddenly i'm questioning everything i thought i Knew#like i'm handed a school assignment and i'm like yes. this i can do. idc. it'll be done and i'm gonna get a damn A#why is this different. like literally why would it be that different. they say 'do this thing' and then i do the fucking thing.#that's life. that's work. that's what i've been told. why am i so scared. why am i not sure i can do it.#like i CAN do it that's what we've been fucking preparing for#i have As!!! As!!!!! they emailed me about graduating with distinction!!!!#i wasn't even trying that fucking hard!!!! this is my normal tryhard!!!!!#why am i so scared a job won't want me. when they're asking for fresh faced college grads.#i'm so tired. i have a headache. i am so afraid. i just need a job. literally one.#i am so scared of the mess i am going to become once i cross that stage#i am so. terrified. i wish i could anticipate graduation like everybody else in my design project.#the future has teeth. and my only option rn is just. bite it first. but i don't think i've ever been that violent.#i'm not ready#i am so scared#not kpop#shut up vic#negativity
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anothermonikan · 11 days ago
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I don't think you can actually tell the difference between someone having a legimate issue or difficulty completing work vs someone 'just being lazy' that easily actually.
#Sorry sorry lots of talk about group work today and everyone's a fucking struggler who's basically doing it solo or whatever#And that topic of conversation has always made me feel Bad because I've always had trouble keeping up the pace at which most people work#It's part of the reason I tend to leave stuff so late because i get scared and then work all the time no breaks.#It always disclaim it's gonna take me about 5x longer to do work most people can probably complete in an hour#Because I get very stressed and I'm a perfectionist and my brain is weird and overthinks everything ever#I have not yet found any solution to this issue. I am convinced there isn't one except leaving it all to the last week and using the panic#To pull all nighters every other day. To get it done#But I can't fucking. Do that if out progress is logged on a repo... Thinking ahead to out next assignment#I've already had the hard talk with my friends about it and they where all very nice to me but I still feel bad a bit#And I'm glad they know it's not because I don't care I care so hard it fucks me up to the point where it gets really difficult asdfhdhd#But idk sometimes people will bring examples up of one of their teammates 'clearly just being lazy and not caring enough' and it's just#Something I can fall into doing as well. So like. I don't think it's that easy to tell actually#Like I get if it's a pattern then you kinda have to intervene because yknow it's a grade you need to get#I hope if I ever fall so bad I stop working that my friends would pop in to ask me if they could help. But people are very. Mean about it#Idk where I was going with this I just wish I was better than I am I guess. Aughhh#I should go to bed <<< feels bad as fuck because they got nothing done today#android.txt
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pride-of-storm · 1 month ago
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first day of work and :( my feet hurt :(
#can't draw any conclusions on that yet tho#for one bc i have determined that the shoes i wore today do Not have enough traction in this environment#so i gotta pull out the shoes i got while working at prev grocery#which... i feel like are actually harder on my feet even tho i have good insoles in them#but it's. really hard shopping online for a better fit so.#i'm gonna wear those this week and then decide if i should ask dad to loan me money for a (hopefully) better pair#anyway! first day of work was. well. okay.#i am starting off training in dish pit and i don't. like. hate it. but.#if dish pit ends up being my favorite assignment then i am gonna have to fuckin quit#unless dish pit grows on me but i am. not optimistic on that point.#whatever. i'm holding out at least through training.#...getting home was less fine.#first off was waiting Half An Hour for bus at stop without a bench :/#there's another stop nearby and i might head to that one tomorrow instead to see if it does have a bench but. i doubt it.#...and then a dude followed me off the bus and halfway home.#and he was def following me bc halfway is the point where i stopped and turned around and asked him and he said yeah#and then he backed off and turned around so like. at least there's that.#but like. pls fuck i need this to not be a regular fixture of my commute#and it happening on my First Day makes it 100% occurence rate atm and that is making me real anxious#yeah sorry to spring that on you in tag ramble idk what cw would be appropriate#and also idk how to zoom it to top of taga anymore so#storm's posts#personal#you can ignore this
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estbela · 6 months ago
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It's probably obvious, but for some time I've been kinda out of it I guess. It's school, and a lot of other things that involve people I care about(and in general it's just my mental health that makes everything more difficult than it has to be). Probably won't do much on here besides reblog stuff until like, the end of june unless I manage to think clearly enough to come up with something 'till then.
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